just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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