just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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