I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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