It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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