wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
