I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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