We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
