I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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