you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
