If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
