The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
