I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
