there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
