I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
