He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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