I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
