Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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