Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
