I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
