sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
