If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
