then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
