You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
