I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
