Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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