I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
