They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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