Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
