No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Randomize
