did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
