just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
