mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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