I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
