Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
