just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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