sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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