My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I enjoy the company of your penis
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