My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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