If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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