based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
