We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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