the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
