I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
