My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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