Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
