This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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