i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
