Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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