Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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