And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
