happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
