i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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