Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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