he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
