This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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