I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
